JohnnyHo82's Xanga

new blog.

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 05:46:02 GMT

johnnieho.blogspot.com

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 21:32:37 GMT

I get less sleep now than I did in college, which doesn't make much sense since I work full-time and attend grad school part-time. It's finally starting to catch up with me though. Two things have happened to me this week that have never happened before. First, I fell asleep while working on my laptop. Second, I passed out in the subway today and my butt fell asleep. Swear to God.

In other news, I finally got new glasses. I'm now beautiful.

In other news, namely the Detroit News, what is up with all these husbands killing their wives? When did that get trendy?

In other news, I'm prepared for glory, IMAX-style. This is Sparta!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 03:19:15 GMT

This is depressing.

http://thinkprogress.org/2007/02/26/gibson-iraq-media/

Friday, January 12, 2007

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 02:53:25 GMT

Hello. I don't update much here. My life outside of work is uninteresting. I'm starting a teaching blog, because that's where I get most of my stories anyway.

http://misterho.blogspot.com

Wow, I'm so psyched to be Time's Person of the Year!

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 01:18:13 GMT

All I want for Christmas...

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 04:01:27 GMT

... are these glasses. No homo.

Anyone want to foot the bill?

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 15:34:17 GMT

No rematch. Florida should play Ohio State.

BCS : college tradition :: prison : anuses

I've had my glasses broken and repaired TWICE this weekend. People need to stop attacking my face.

Analysis of a Pathetic Buckeye Blog

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 03:10:19 GMT

As everyone knows (or should know), the big day is only two days away. Ohio State versus Michigan. Buckeyes versus Wolverines. #1 versus #2. For all intents and purposes, the National Championship Game is being played in Columbus on Saturday.

Now, I've noticed some of my Ohio State acquaintances have started a wee bit of trash talking. No problem. A bit of the ol' jibber jabber never hurt anybody, and it definitely adds some fun to the whole BCS mess. Unfortunately, I've been dissatisfied, nay, disappointed in the caliber of insults that have been tossed this way by the Buckeye faithful. For example, as posted at http://reytito.wordpress.com/ (reprinted below):

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the University of Michigan campus. Thatâ€™s the last place you would find a football player.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Michiganâ€™s football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadnâ€™t been colored yet.

Q: Do you know why the University of Michigan football team should change its name to the â€œOpossumsâ€?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a University of Michigan?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: How do you make University of Michigan cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: Whatâ€™s the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor
A: Columbus: 187 Miles

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Titus, my friend, I had faith in you and your ability to spit hot fire. I should have known better. Apparently Maurice Clarett is not the only Buckeye alum suffering from a dearth of properly firing synapses. You see, my scarlet and gray amigo, you've gone and broke the first commandment in the Bible of smack-talking: Thou shalt not use generic fill-in-the-blank insults that read like cheap Mad-Libs.

Let's review the evidence. The first riddle can be found at the famous online joke reference, www.wehavenooriginalitybutmanystupidjokes.com, in the following format:
Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the __________ campus. Thatâ€™s the last place you would find a football player.

As you can see, the blank can be filled in with the name of ANY college (or pro team, for that matter, should the word "campus" be removed)--including the Ohio State University, gosh!--and still retain what miniscule element of humor it purports to have. Such so-called "humor" can't even be categorized as a legitimate trash-talk. It's equivalent to a defensive "your mom" response to an actual insult--generic, one-size-fit-all, silly at best.

Unfortunately, should we study the remainder of the riddles on Reytito's blog, we'll find that all the jokes follow the same format. Find any po-dunk high school in the land and be certain that they'll be using the same lame lines berating their cross-town rivals. I'm sorry, fellas, but we're in college now (or we've graduated, whatever). Our standards should be a little higher.

As you know, insults are most effective when they are personal. After all, what good is an insult if somebody can throw it right back at you? It then becomes a silly game of who can remember the same bad joke first while stumbling about in a drunken haze. (Although I suspect that's a better game than who can burn the most helpless couches while stumbling about in a drunken haze.)

With all that said, I'd like to provide the following as a public service for that sad little state beneath Michigan. OSU fans, take notes on how to come up with insults that are truly specific in their targets.

Ahem.

Which state is round on the sides, high in the middle, and smells like doggie doo?
(Observe, there is only one state in this union that this riddle works for. And really, there's so many places you can go with this. Figure it out yet, Buckeyes?)

What's the only state in the union that's shaped like a pair of Granny panties?
(No, it's not Florida. Try again.)

Why do Buckeye fans like nuts near their necks?
(Because they like having di--Anyway, I think you get the point.)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 04:04:53 GMT

This is sad. This is what I do instead of planning lessons. Now all I need to do is to find the instrumentals and garage band it.

Enjoy.

***

Miserable
(to the tune of James Blunt's Beautiful)

My life is
awful.

My life is awful
My job is
hell.
Can't teach my classes
Unless I yell.
She
screamed at me in the hallway.
"In the doorway you must stand!"
But I can't really do that,
'Cause
Got no lesson plan.

I'm miserable.
I'm miserable.
I'm miserable, it's
true.
They scream and shout and curse me out,
And I
don't know what to do,
'Cause I'd like my human rights too.

Yes, she caught my eye,
As I limped
on by.
She could see from my eyes that I wanted to,
Fucking
cry,
And I don't think that I want to teach here
no more,
'Cause I can't wait for these kids to walk out my door.

I'm miserable.
I'm miserable.
I'm miserable, it's
true.
They scream and shout and curse me out,
And I
don't know what to do,
'Cause I'd like my human rights too.

La la la
la la la la la la

I'm miserable.
I'm miserable.
I'm miserable, it's
true.
There must be a company that's looking to hire,
Where I'm allowed to pee when I need to.
Now it's time to
face the truth,
my resume needs review.

***

Bad Day
(to the tune of Daniel Powter's Bad Day)

Where is a school aide when you need one the most
You hand out some worksheets and your hall pass is lost
You check but your copies don't get made
You yell but your kids still come in late
And I don't need no carryin' on

You're comin' in early just to hit a new low
You're stayin' after just to sweep up the floor
"Call home for each shenanigan!"
"And where is your contingency plan?"
And I don't need no carryin' on

'Cause you had a bad day, there's gum on the ground
You curse a few times just to turn it around
You sprint from the subway but it's now 8:05
You pick up the memo, there is PD tonight
You had a bad day, students roll their eyes
They spit out some gum, put another inside
You had a bad day...you had a bad day

Well you need a mental heath sick day
The point is they ignore what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day, there's gum on the ground
You curse a few times just to turn it around
You sprint from the subway but it's now 8:05
You pick up the memo, there is PD tonight
You had a bad day, students roll their eyes
They spit out some gum, put another inside
You had a bad day... (mmm... saturday)

Sometimes the kids are going nuts and your lesson plans they turn out wrong
You try to bring the whole class back but the kids are rowdy all class long
And I'm not wrong... (Yeahh!!)

So where is a school aide when you need one the most
(oh, when you're down)
You hand out some worksheets and your hall pass is lost

'Cause you had a bad day, there's gum on the ground
You curse a few times just to turn it around
You sprint from the subway but it's now 8:05
You pick up the memo, there is PD tonight
You had a bad day, students roll their eyes
They spit out some gum, put another inside
You had a bad day... you had a bad day
(ahh yeahh!!)
You had a bad day 3x
(faded)

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 03:24:00 GMT

Attention, aspiring (or current) teachers!

Administrators riding you for failing too many students? Wanna know how to improve student passing percentages instantaneously? Easy! Use the Square-Root-Ten Method! Simply take a student's grade, find its square root, and multiply the result by ten. Instead passing grades!

For example,
25% => 50%
36% => 60%
49% => 70%
64% => 80%
81% => 90%

I shit you not, I'm not the only teacher who does this. But I am trying to advertise it, to alleviate my mounting guilt.